April 25, 2005
a dream of you and me together
heidi makes a post regarding umich vs uva. coincidentally, foxes gets this question all of the time:
Michigan was pretty impressed with my training regimen, so they gave me $8664 in grants (training is expensive). Virginia, however, noted my intellect and shoved $9000 in merit scholarship money my way.... hmmm. It's like the exact same thing in the end, except with my in-state tuition at UVA, I'll have to take out approx $8000 more in loans per year if I go to UMich. What would foxes do?
surely with our powers combined, we can come up with the proper course of action. naw, i'm not a planeteer—i just crush a lot. we can achieve it, we can achieve it, come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on, 'cause tonight is the night when two become one! foxes, my beautiful people, unite!!
Posted by foxes in ask foxlanders at 08:51 AM | riffraff (195) | trackback (2179)
April 20, 2005
tramp v. vamp
How does University of Texas' number one ranking "of the colleges with the
best-looking girls" affect your decision-making process?
http://www.playboy.com/on-campus/features/topten/index.html
-B
well b, i've let texas's april 15th deposit deadline come and go uneventfully, so perhaps i should give an explanation.
back in the day, i mentioned that i asked texas whether they would support my visit to texas's prospective students day. they wrote back saying: "Unfortunately, we do not have the means to subsidize your visit to the Law School." later on, at georgetown's admitted students event, i met a guy from houston who told me that he was deciding between georgetown and texas. i asked him, "will you be going to texas's weekend?" he said, yes, he would be. then i had a premonition and i was all like, "wait, are they paying for your flight?!" yup, he replied.
heidi was pretty on-target when she wrote that "it's a lot harder to leave a community than it is to pick a law school" when explaining michigan's high yield by way of community building. basically, michigan had been courting me since the first week of january. there had been a good deal of flirting and they even let me touch their naughty bits. i knew the goods.
texas, on the other hand, had one person email me, one person send me a postcard, and one person call me, all within a two week period prior to the deposit deadline. the phone call was particularly galling—texas was the only school foolish enough to recruit me using a boy. plus, it sounded like he was playing video games in the background.
yeah sure, texas has the best looking girls, but really, i couldn't go there without lookin' under the hood! stop bein' all uptight—put the top down and show me what's really good! i like to test drive my metaphors before i take 'em off the lot, 'naw what i mean?
Posted by foxes in ask foxlanders at 05:21 PM | riffraff (172) | trackback (765)
April 18, 2005
haters wanna hate, bloggers wanna blog, i don't want none of the above
it's coming down to decision time, so quite naturally, pre-law crazies are congragating at foxes' doorstep. foxes generously decrees, "give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."
Hi Foxes,
I've enjoyed reading your entertaining blog and keeping up to date on the intimate details of Foxes' law school application process. I myself am faced with the difficult decision of where to attend law school; it has come down to Penn and Georgetown. What are your thoughts on these two schools?
I was at the Georgetown open house a couple of weeks ago. I spotted you after the faculty panel (nice luggage, by the way) but I was going to take a tour of the campus so I didn't have time to say hello.
Good luck with your pending apps.
~Etoile
etoile, i must first start off by saying that you've honestly creeped me out. i showed your message to euphrates who replied, "that one was pretty freaky, but then again what if it was a pretty girl?" so, first things first: are you a pretty girl?
now then. in regards to the matter of penn versus georgetown. i guess i can only really speak to my experiences at georgetown, because i didn't visit penn, nor did i have any particular interest in the school. i can say, however, that they rejected me, which gives you an indication of their level of intelligence.
ok georgetown. perhaps my impressions can be summed up in a little story... after the faculty panel and getting unknowingly stalked, i went to the lunch. after that, i went on the tour of the campus. at the top of gewirz, i looked out and saw the capitol building. in awe, i was.
before i set out to do more exploring of the surrounding area, i decided to drop into the williams law library to check my email. (later, i would see the capitol up close, plus visit the supreme court, the mall, and the ikea. inspirational furniture, indeed.) while writing a message to my sister, i felt my lunch beginning to resurface. i left my computer terminal, and wound up a circular staircase before finding a restroom. inside, the first toilet i approached was filled with murky yellow water and several brown turds.
Posted by foxes in ask foxlanders at 10:43 AM | riffraff (230) | trackback (959)
April 11, 2005
i'm a slave 4 u-va
Hey,
Don't know if you've visited UVA... I'm deciding between UMich and UVA, and just visited both schools' preview weekends (UMich 31st, UVA 8th of April). Found the people at Michigan more... introverted. Maybe you had an opinion? I'm torn.
'Ren
well, stimpy, not only have i not visited virginia, i actually haven't been admitted! from their "frequently asked questions about the waiting list":
Is there anything I can do to enhance my chances?
Short of eliminating those who have accepted offers, probably not.
so stimpy, unfortunately, i can't make your decision for you, and i will also have to kill you. sowwwwie.
Posted by foxes in ask foxlanders at 05:47 PM | riffraff (112) | trackback (1267)
February 17, 2005
a state that's untouchable like elliot ness
dear foxlanders,
can you hear that? it is the sweet siren song of california (no, not the eagles, hotel california, though thematically similar) playing at my ear. you may have guessed it buy now, but i have been accepted to law school in the city where tony bennett left his heart.
this, a day after i received this response from them, concluding a rather quizzical exchange:
Dear ManifestDestiny:
According to my records, a decision letter has been sent to you. Please let us know if you do not receive it in the next couple of weeks.
Thank you for your interest in UC Hastings College of the Law.
--------------------------
Dear Admissions Officer,
I just received a message from the office of admissions telling me that my application is complete. However, my application has been complete, or at least has been listed as complete, on the status checker online since December 9th. I would just to make sure that this email is not indicative of some mistake in the processing of my file. I hope that this will not delay the committee in making their decision or push my application back in the queue. Any information
about this would be much appreciated. Thank you very much.
Sincerely,
ManifestDestiny
QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART!
my email was sent to them two weeks ago, and since then my application status changed to decision online. do they really think they can fool me that easily? do i even care now?
to top it all off, one of the siren's many seductresses phoned me to congratulate me on my acceptance, and to see if i had any questions about the college! how can i resist?
but rumors have been bandied about. word on the street is that the place is downright scary, bullies in the library, hiding books, creating a downright "toxic" atmosphere.
but it's california i say, land of pinot noir, trees as tall as skyscrapers, draped in feathery light.
considering i've been graciously accepted by many other fine institutions, my choice is not one i would wish upon even the most evil of souls. to california or not to california? foxlanders, pity me. more importantly, look into your magic law school bulletin and tell me what you see.
sincerely,
ManifestDestiny
-----------
ManifestDestiny,
as dre would say, "california knows how to party." i met a representative from uc hastings at a law forum i attended and she was cute and charming and fun, and i couldn't help but feign interest in her school amidst hopeless flirting. naturally, i began to fascinate her with my effortless banter, moving seamlessly from discussing ex-governor greg davis to the honorable lance ito. she almost melted.
i imagine droves of such girls, lining the countrysides, thumbs out, ready to hitch a ride. my magic crystal ball says that you won't finder a higher quality of life at any other school. after all, do you want to be dating a homely gal from east pa or a stunner from sf bay? done.
ever since the gold rush, california has been a symbol of hope and possibility, a second lease on life. would the united states have ever reached its potential if it never satisfied its manifest destiny? foxes advises: go forth thee west, young man! capture land that isn't yours! slaughter the natives! slit their throats! spill their blood!!
in the words of jhumpa lahiri, "it's the namesake, stupid." show no fear—fulfill your destiny (and bring back souvenirs).
Posted by foxes in ask foxlanders at 09:30 AM | riffraff (274) | trackback (686)
January 06, 2005
the subject of some websites is so disturbing that those who experience them will never be the same again
in light of the stunning success of the mailbag, foxes is opening up a second feature: ask foxlanders. the way he thinks is—foxes simply cannot stop dropping mad genius, so why not kick more knowledge? here, he'll bring his incredible array of literacy to bear on any problem you may be having, including (but not limited to) law school admissions, table manners, and the art of physical love. what he will give you is the objectively correct solution to your dilemmatic situation.
while the mailbag will only appear on sundays, ask foxlanders will appear whenever he receives a piece of mail from a lonely heart in need of a few pointers. buckle up, 'cause here we go!
dear foxes,
i am madly in love with sarah zearfoss of michigan. but she is bound to break my heart, to reject me, without even the smallest of post-it note explanations. i read on your website that she wrote you a note on your admit letter that said, "great personal statement!" damnit, foxes! my essay is pretty great too. what advice can you give to be a soon to be sarah zearfoss reject? is there anyway to ease the pain?
sincerely,
sleepless in ann arbor
sleepless,
sarah is a feisty mistress. i know for a fact that she has made offers to hundreds of guys, so she's likely not the most discriminating of madames. even if you do get her attention, it'll be hard to keep it. so, as far as i can tell, you only have a few options.
1. show up at the admissions office with one red rose and a ukulele, playing van halen's "jump" while wearing only thermal underwear and a motorcycle helmet. (note: this requires jump kicking and full-body flamboyance a la david lee roth.) for the grand finale, you sing, nay shout, "you make me com--, you make me complete--, you make me completely miserable!!" and then storm out of the room spiking your helmet on the ground and breaking the stringed instrument over the crown of your head.
2. get all of your friends together who have been accepted to michigan law and have them each write you a letter of recommendation for a different part of your body. you can use the following as a template:
Dear Sarah Z.,
Sleepless has a wonderful _____. The way it _____ is truly amazing. I doubt many other students at Michigan have such an amazing _____ that can remarkably _____ with regularity. Once he entered it into a _____ competition; his _____ didn't win first place but it certainly won Mr. Congeniality because his _____ was so nice to the other _____ that they wanted him to win something, so they gave him a _____ for his _____. Please admit Sleepless, if not just for his _____. One _____ of Sleepless' is worth ten of someone else's _____.
Thanks,
_____
3. send in this correspondence as an addendum to your application with the following note scrawled onto the paper in your own blood: "“it is one thing to contact the dead! it is another to meddle! and you are meddling!”
good luck, although it really won't be necessary. remember to keep us all updated as it works itself out! foxlanders, signing off—for now...
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