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February 12, 2005
the new social norm
exit does not exist (photo: j. becker)
congratulations to all of the february lsat takers! you're off the treadmill now! or, you're just getting back on, the gears are turning, and so much like that post-modern contraption that you're sweating, your legs are moving but you aren't going anywhere. ha ha!
it's absolutely absurd the amount of weight attributed to the lsat in the law school admissions process. i've come to believe that in 95.734% of law school applicants, their admissions chances are more or less determined by a few numbers. in the words of juanquero2,
When law schools say that they look past the numbers at the person, they are spoonfeeding us a giant spoonful of pig shit. I am the embodiment of this undeniable truth.
for the sake of time-saving for all participating parties and the preservation of paper and the treasured forests that material derives itself from, i propose the following process i call, LAW SCHOOL RE-ENGINEERING. basically, the idea is to coalesce all law schools under the umbrella law school called, LAW SCHOOL, of which every other law school can consider itself to be a satellite campus. ie, harvard will now be referred to as "LAW SCHOOL at cambridge" and so on. on april fool's day, all applicants (and their pet beagles if the applicant so chooses) goes to their local ballot box where they write on a piece of paper their lsat score, their gpa, their undergraduate institution, their race, and their favorite brady. accompanying this information with be the student's preference ranking of LAW SCHOOL satellite campuses (simply putting LAW SCHOOL will result in ten demerits and a jettisoning to LAW SCHOOL at grand forks). all of this information will be sent into a giant computer which will use a simple formula to calculate applicant preference lists for each campus and then that giant computer will spit out each school's list of attending students for the following year using the stable marriage algorithm. think about the expediency! geez whiz, this even makes metaphorical sense!
preliminary studies show that this process gives 95 out of 100 students the same law school they would have chosen otherwise (because all law schools just care about is lsat/gpa, and all students care about is the LAW SCHOOL campus rankings), and those five students will make their sacrifice for the greater good, giving a satisfactory process with a substantial discount in trees, time, and heartache saved. think about the multifactor productivity! 3.6/169 won't have to fret any longer about impossibilities. what about free will? no, you're just hungry. it's not a supermarket, but it never was. or it was, but don't fool yourself into thinking you could've bought something. so it looks like an asylum? so what? i read my ayn rand, stupid bi—get your hands off me!
i don't want to go out making love in a forest with my golden-haired, uber-rational love-vixen, up to my nose in ego. forget it—i want to be dragged out kicking and screaming.
Posted by foxes in misc at February 12, 2005 06:02 PM
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